The next “most asked” question comes from loved ones and colleagues, and my answer won’t satisfy at all.
Mothers call for sons and daughters, sons and daughters call for parents and colleagues call for each other. The question is “What can I do in the moment to stop a panic/rage attack in someone else?”
Here are some preliminary questions to ask yourself before trying to intercede.
Does this person, in their calmer moments, want help with it?
Do they think of it as a problem or are they weirdly proud of it?
Do you notice shame after the outburst or does the person act like nothing happened?
If the answers to these questions are yes, then it might make sense to ask the person if they want help and what help they think might actually work. Ask this when the person is not activated and your relationship is calm.
Here are some things that have worked for people over my 20 years working with panic/rage.
Physical:
Sit down if standing. Lie down if possible. It signals to the body that things are ok, bypassing the mind.
Be careful about touching the person unless you’ve previously agreed on a gentle hand mid-back for instance.
Realize that both staying and leaving might be a trigger. The {I am trapped/I am abandoned) fantasies can be intense on both sides. This is definitely something to discuss after.
Mental:
Reintroduce time and space. I know the now is painful but remember this is temporary and it will pass. Start the stopwatch on your phone.
Before entering a potentially explosive situation, imagine carrying a grenade with the pin out. Keep your finger solidly on the cap.
I don’t recommend talking. The reasoning part has probably left the building. Wait for the person to come back on line.
It takes 40 minutes to recover from the hormone bath that is a panic/rage attack. Shaking arms and legs will help dissipate the energy.
Exhales longer than inhales will help calm.
