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Are you a tinderbox now?
Moving through the day trying not to lose it? Getting furious at little things and big?
Partners in love and work are over it. Maybe they are ready to walk. Little kids avoid you. The teenagers won’t come out of their rooms.
I’m sure you’ve googled anger management, (that’s how you found me, right?) read some articles, breathed, counted to ten, walked around the block. These aren’t bad ideas and they may work for some.
If you are blessed with powerful emotions its on you to figure out how to contain them. I say blessed because strong emotions are actually an asset. Once you know how to surf them. You will love having a choice about showing your feelings. It’ll put you back in charge.
We are all hurtling through these post-pandemic days. Choose a space to think and calm down. My zoom room or office are good places to start.
It’s likely someone else “taught you” to blow up.
And we will be talking about that person quite a bit. Again, we are going for all the feelings, the fear, the wish for revenge, the humiliation, the love, the excitement, the hero status and the relief at finally being seen.
In therapy, we talk anger & rage as a strategy to deal with something worse.
Hard to believe that exploding is the good option, but if you are using anger to hold yourself together when you feel like you are disintegrating, then anger might be a step up from oblivion. Likewise, a person who struggles with an inner critic who never shuts up might spew those internal takedowns on someone else, just to catch a break. There are as many ways to use anger as there are people and situations. We need to figure out what you are trying to do. And then find a better way.
Anger exploration yields results.
And listening to your parents fight in the other room is enough to get a child’s fantasy life going and lay down some tracks for how things should go between lovers. Maybe you weren’t in the other room. Maybe you were in the same room or trying to separate them. Now it’s not a strategy. There’s no strategy, there’s only actions and hitting on rewind.
We need to climb into your child mind and try to think about what you knew, what you felt, what you heard. We need to dismantle the automatic response. It’s like taking down a building filled with asbestos. Slow, careful, protected and….gone. We work to understand the 360 of what you experienced, with an even-handedness to all concerned.
In my decades of working with sensitive and explosive people, I’ve learned a lot from my patients and if something worked for someone else, I’m not shy about sharing. But there’s no checklist for this.
Patients who are replaying a trauma may have a memory that “blows one’s mind.” Then our task is reconstruction of what must have been true and making peace with what can never be known. This takes compassion and time on both our parts.
Elizabeth Singer
27 years as an anger & rage specialist
I am a licensed psychoanalyst, in practice since 1997. I teach, and present clinical work to groups. I served as President of the Association side of the NPAP in the New York from 2018-2021. When I started seeing patients I was immediately drawn to people who felt a lot, almost too much. Powerful feelings are old feelings. We end up back in your early life, in the place where you grew up. We explore your childmind. I am an expert at figuring out what you were trying to master, who you tried to protect, what you wanted the way kids want things–with their whole selves.
Getting Started
01.
Let’s start with one 45-minute session. I’ll do what I do and you’ll see what it’s like to work with me.
02.
After three sessions, I can recommend how many times per week you might come in and how long I think it will take.
03.
A treatment with traction that holds a hope of something better can serve as ballast in a turbulent time.
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Get In Touch
Contact me below to schedule your first session.
230 West 13th Street, New York, NY 10011