Workaholism
Work a full day after dental surgery because after all, the dentist said that you would be fine. Ignore all evidence (pain, wooziness, irritability) that you are not fine, because, well, neglect is how it goes. Work is way more important that you. Pay slavish attention to the authority figures and not your own body/mind/spirit. Then resent, resent resent. NOBODY understands!
Resentment
When it’s finally the weekend and you can relax, swiffer the entire apartment and deep clean the kitchen because after all, a clean house is way more important that how you feel. Then resent, resent, resent. NOBODY helps!
High Bar
Apply your nosebleed high bar to everyone in a 10-mile radius. The woman on the walker who isn’t going fast enough for you for example. This will keep your own frailty safely projected onto others and you can continue to believe that you can do everything perfectly forever. Advanced ragers can then hate themselves for thinking that the woman on the walker is slow. NOBODY is as awful as you are! But, this is an advanced step. Beginners should stick to projecting without the added self-loathing.
Mindlessness
Have I stressed overworking enough? Remember to numb out while you do the mindless and the meaningless. That way, when you come alive again, your rage attack will be effortless.
Keep Secrets
Don’t tell ANYONE how you feel. That would let off some steam and you might feel understood. This is a big mistake when you are building toward a rage attack. It can let out all the steam and you might have to start over building resentment again.
Hide Your Worth
Don’t send the emails, make the calls and attend the meetings that might get you noticed. Hell, that recognition should just come to you unbidden. If you have to work for it, it’s totally ruined. THEY SHOULD JUST KNOW! Hold tight to that early fantasy of everything just flowing. The fantasy is way more important that reality. And when it doesn’t happen, you can resent, resent, resent.
Binge
Give in to those modern compulsions: comparing your weekend to everyone else’s on Facebook, binge watching House of Cards, eating the crunchy, salty and sweet. You’ll feel terrible afterwards and prone to a rage attack.
Neglect Your Body
Avoid physical exercise and birdsong like the plague. Stay a good 10 feet from the flower bed so that you can’t smell anything. Deprivation is the name of the game. You really can’t give yourself any pleasure at all.
Sip Air
Breathe shallowly. A good belly breath is an indulgence. You don’t REALLY need air, do you?
Anything sound familiar? I’m a therapist specializing in anger and rage in downtown Manhattan. Your rage actually serves a purpose other than making your life hellacious and hurting and scaring the people around you. It’s also a resounding “NO” to the mindsets described above. Your “NO” is a first step to something else. I will help you find that other way of being in the world–pleasurable, patient, connected, vulnerable, frail, maybe even sad. You will like you better. I like you already.
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